The Sideman’s By-Laws (A Guide to the Outside)

  1. Never recommend anyone who plays better than you.
  2. Always suck up (leaders, bartenders, bride and/or groom, management, etc.)
  3. If you don't know it, play harmony.
  4. Double book, then choose.
  5. Always assume the leader knows nothing.
  6. Always degrade types of music you can't play or know nothing about.
  7. Always bring your own cards, and solicit during breaks.

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The Marriage Counselor

After years of hiding the fact that the love is gone, the last child moved out of the house and Mom and Dad announced they were getting a divorce.

The kids were distraught and hired a marriage counselor as a last resort at keeping the parents together. The counselor worked for hours, trying all of his methods, but the couple still wouldn’t even talk to each other.
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Don’t mess with Musicians

A Lawyer and a Musician are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The Lawyer is thinking that Musicians are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy… So the Lawyer asks if the Musician would like to play a fun game. The Musician is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The Lawyer persists, and says that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says. This catches the Musician’s attention and to keep the Lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
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